Giggling in the Rain

. . .

2012-01-29T20:44:00.001-05:00

When I am away from this space
For an extended period of time
I feel lost
Out of sorts
Something in my life is missing
There have been many ideas I have wanted to share
Words swirling through my head
That I begged myself to remember
But of course they have escaped me
So I show up here tonight
Wishing each of you
Love and light
Strength and courage
Laughter and happiness

And a little bit of bubble blowing

Wish Studios delight

2012-01-23T08:59:00.000-05:00

Life has a way of weaving magic into the most expecting places. When it happens your heart fills with joy. A smile shines from your face. And gratitude overflows from your heart. This is exactly what happened to me last week.

An adventure brought me into NYC to see Jonatha Brooke play at Lincoln Center with some inspiring women I met through squam. (More about this coming soon). But for some reason that night the universe was holding a delightful surprise up it's sleeve. Mindy Tsonas from Wish Studios was also there and we got to meet in person. It was lovely.

If you haven't stopped by Wish Studios yet I highly recommend you jump on over. Mindy has created a spaced filled with so much inspiration and life. Your heart will surely fill up. It truly reflects how she is in person. Kindness and smiles swirl around her. I admire all that she is creating at Wish Studios.

And today is my lucky day. Mindy has shared a piece of my writing about navigating how to begin on the Wish Studios site. Please stop by to check it out. I am soaring with delight. My heart is filled with gratitude for the individuals who nudge me to put myself out there and also the individuals who so graciously open up their hands to my words. Thank you.

What magic is swirling around in your world today?

gently waking

2012-01-22T22:58:00.000-05:00

Bright colors filling the sky
As the sun gently begins to rise
I sit there
Alone on the beach
Soaking in the beautiful show

The sky painting its own story
Splashes of oranges and yellows
Sweeping over the grayness of the night

The colors fill up my heart
Evoking emotion
Waking up ideas

The sound of the ocean lulls me into my dream world
Visions appear so vividly
It all feels so real

I am awakened
Ready to reach
Spreading my wings
I take off

laughter at camp

2012-01-21T19:18:00.001-05:00

I have been on a whirlwind of adventures these past few weeks
I am finding it hard to put them all into words
My heart is overflowing with joy and love
After being surrounded by so many inspiring and kind individuals

One adventure was traveling down to Tampa Florida
For the NY Yankees Women's Fantasy Camp
I traveled down there again, as a spectator
To cheer on my three aunts and the rest of the Bombers team

If you ever meet these women they will blow you away
They are kind, caring, loving, and have so much fun
They are lead by their incredible coach Homer Bush
Whose smile could brighten up anybodies day

My heart gets blown open seeing them out there on the field
Dressed from head to toe in the NY Yankees uniform
Cheering each other on
Giving it a try
And above all else, having so much fun

This is the second year in a row I have gone to camp
And almost the entire team returned, which is amazing
Laughter filled the air
Smiles were seen every where
Bonds of friendship strengthened
What a beautiful thing to witness

I feel so incredibly blessed

seek

2012-01-14T06:15:00.000-05:00

Seek out the beauty that surrounds you
It is their, I promise

a year filled with love

2012-01-11T07:28:00.000-05:00

A Year Filled with Love from Jennifer Belthoff on Vimeo.

It is amazing what unfolds
When you choose one word to focus on for the entire year
The adventures that word takes you on
The doors it opens for you
And the beautiful memories that word creates with you

LOVE was my word for 2011
And it is was a year filled with love beyond anything I could have imagined
Dreams came true
Laughter filled the air
Trips were taken
My heart is overflowing with love

LOVE dug deep into me
Pulling things out I never expected
It tested me
Took me to the edge
And forced me to fly

I have so many beautiful memories from the year
It was hard to get them down to ten little minutes
I hope you enjoy taking a journey with me
As I look back on my year filled with LOVE

Thank you

2012-01-10T18:56:00.000-05:00

My heart is filled with so much gratitude and love for this community
And all the support, encouragement, and light that it shines
I was hesitant to say my word for 2012 out loud
Even more hesitant to put it in ink
When fear arises I know there is only one thing left to do
Stand boldly in it

So I showed up here
With my heart on my sleeve
Sharing my word, SOAR
And each of you held me gently
Encouraged me and held up the mirror

Tear filled my eyes this morning
As I reflected on the love that is swirling around here
I am grateful, so grateful
For this space
For this opportunity to show and be seen
And for each of you loving souls who show up as well

Thank you for your support
Thank you for your love
Thank you for your kindness
Thank you for Y.O.U.

Words cannot do justice what I am feeling in my heart

My word for 2012

2012-01-08T20:28:00.000-05:00

Sometimes my word for the year picks me
Wings arriving in my mailbox
Telling me it is my year to be brave
Other times my word speaks strongly with love
And I am almost to afraid to say it out loud
I don't want to jinx it

This year I had to dig my word out of the ground
It was cultivating there for the past five years
As I gently tended to it with love and encouragement
My word needed time to grow and it did just that
Now it is strong and ready to soak in the sunshine

Five years ago at Squam Arts Workshops I grew my wings
Bravely I stood with them as I learned how to fly
I was engulfed with love and embraced deeply who I am
Now, I am ready to spread those wings and Soar
Reaching for my dreams and making them happen

I no longer want to stand on the ground
My wings have grown strong
They are ready to fly
In fact, they are ready to soar

It sounds kinda strange to see it in print
Almost to bold to put down on paper
But I know to make it happen, I have to say it
So bravely I am putting it out here

This year I am going to SOAR

each of us, adding something

2012-01-06T07:41:00.000-05:00

I was never one to be the class clown. I never yearned for the attention of all eyes on me. I am quiet and reserved, soaking in everything that is going on around me. I am an introvert. An extreme amount of socalizing can tire me out. I sometimes find small talk difficult to engage in.

In a room full of people this can be difficult to navigate through. A roller coaster ride of emotions washing over me. The deamons quietly creep in shouting there dark words, making me feel like I do not fit in, have nothing to offer, am all alone. These deamons make me fight to see the truth.

Each of us plays an intregal part in this world. Our presence in a room alone enhances the feeling of a place. We all are a part of what is happening. Each of us feeding off of the other. The class clowns make the group laugh. The quite reserved individuals provide strength and stability. Each of it is necessary for the balance of the situatuion.

Together we need to ward off those deamons when they try to sneak it. Because exactly who we are is exaclty who we need to be. We are never standing alone. When you are standing with a group of people, even when nothing is said, you are stading together. There is strength in coming together. In showing up and bringing yourself to the table. Each of us adds our own little flavor to the group. Combined together we create a beautiful recepie.

My quiet calmness brings peace to a room. No words need to be said, the calmness pours out of my spirit. I am learning how to embrace this. To understand that this is exaclty what I am meant for. Being the center of attention makes me uncomfortable. I do not need to force myself into the spotlight. I can simple breath deeply, feel the energy, and quietly connect with those around me. What ingredients do you add to this world recepie?

ready

2012-01-03T07:10:00.000-05:00

Standing at the edge of the oceans tide I knew in my heart what I had to do. I had looked at this same ocean many times over the course of my life, but the sun never shone down on it like this before. The tides were shifting, gently removing pieces from my heart. Pulling out the moments I was unable to forgive myself for. Releasing them into the vast ocean.

As I stood on the edge time slipped away. The sun rising brilliantly overhead as if to great me and let me know it was all going to be ok. It was my time to step boldly into life. Stop apologizing and understating the passions that moved my feet to dance.

The dark pieces of my story were woven with the light. Creating a beautiful glow of calmness. Each of these moments were necessary for me to fully exist as I am today. Gratitude for both fills me up.

The ocean sings me a lullaby. Graciously taking my fears and heaviness. I stand with my feet deeply rooted in the sand. The sun shining brilliantly on my face. This is my chance to create my one and only life and I am going to do it. Each day, little by little I will write my story, dance my dance, and show up in this beautiful world ready for the next journey.

new

2012-01-02T10:12:00.000-05:00

There is a new path to walk on
A new home to settle into
A new place to begin each morning

Mondo Beyondo

2011-12-30T23:06:00.000-05:00

It is that time of year again
Time to dream BIG
Let it all out
Put them onto paper
Give your dreams a chance to speak
No dream is to small, silly, or to big
All dreams need to be heard
Time to set them into motion
Send them out into the universe
Say them out loud

Pick up your pen
Open up your heart and mind
And begin writing
List out all of those wild dreams you have
**teaching, **traveling to Bora Bora, **riding my bicycle cross country
Reach high
Go for it
Dream BIG

It is amazing what can unfold when you put it out there
When you let the universe know exactly what is calling to your heart
Little things happen
Seeds are planted
And somehow your dreams come true
I was skeptic at first to
But believe me
Some of my wildest dreams on my mondo beyondo list have come true
And really, what do you have to lose?
So pick up that pen and get writing

If you aren't sure how to start
Check out the Mondo Beyondo online class
It is all about dreaming big
Andrea Scher and Jen Lemen will guide you through
Opening your heart and
Giving your dreams a voice
And each year you will want to write a new list
Great things happen when you put your dreams out their

Happy dreaming!

christmas 2011

2011-12-26T15:24:00.000-05:00

Gathered together with family and loved ones
An entire weekend of celebration
Rides inside of a suitcase
Laughing
Surprises at the door
Cheering on the Giants
More laughing
Unwrapping gifts all at once
Special presents under the tree
A delicious breakfast feast
Unwrapping gifts one at a time
Cousins gathered together
Singing
Laughing even harder
Memories created
Smiles shining from faces
Laughter filling the air
A beautiful Christmas weekend

release

2011-12-24T00:07:00.000-05:00

I was looking forward to releasing all that no longer served me from the minute I read about it on Pixie's blog. What a perfect way to end the year and to let go off all that I have been carrying around. I do not have a fire place or all the beautiful materials that Pixie created her bundles with. But I had a piece of paper, a pen, a silver bowl, a lighter, a loving boyfriend who so willingly joined in, and an intention.

After many long working hours we sat outside beneath the awning on the deck as the rain trickled down. The cold air waking me up each of us sat with our thoughts. Quietly we let the pen pull the words from deep inside. Dredging them up and giving them a voice. We let it all spill out.

Tears filled my eyes as the pen pulled out these feelings...I am not good enough to be a teacher...The inner struggles of taking the next step in getting my writing out there....And letting go of the darkness I have been carrying on my shoulders.

It felt so freeing to let them each speak as I wrote them down. He lit his piece of paper first, then mine. It was beautiful watching them each burn. The smoke rose into the air taking all of those words with it. The fears, the struggles, the darkness. All of it drifted away from us. He put his arm around me and pulled me in close.

Doing this with him was beautiful. I am able to stand in my own shoes each day wearing the clothes that are truly mine, and he stands besides me, loving me. I love that he took the time to write his own thoughts down and released them from deep inside. Everything about that was beautiful.

I feel lighter now. Ready to welcome 2012. I also feel incredibly grateful for all the adventures I was on in 2011. It was a beautiful L.O.V.E filled year and I feel like the luckiest girl alive. I stand here with my palms open welcoming the light.

This will definitely become a yearly tradition on each Winter Solstice. Releasing, reflecting, and stepping into the light. Thank you Pixie, for opening my world to this beautiful ceremony.

your heART makes a difference

2011-12-21T07:34:00.000-05:00

Feeling so blessed

To have the opportunity to share my words

At your heART makes a difference

I would love it if you came by to visit me over there today

Happy Wednesday!

family love

2011-12-18T21:47:00.000-05:00

The time fly's by so quickly
Christmas lurking right around the corner
In a few short days
I will be gathered with my family
Laughing, joking, soaking it all in
Happiness filling the air

I am so grateful for them
The time we spend together
How close we all are
The humorous things that arise
What a beautiful thing to be a part of

I stand here today with gratitude in my heart
For each of them
How unique they all are
The kindness that is in each of their hearts
The family bond that brings us together

What a blessing to be surrounded
By so much kindness and love
I am forever grateful to be a Belthoff

Wishing you and your family
Kindness, love, laughter, and smiles
As the holidays draw closer in
And you come together to celebrate

beauty surrounds her

2011-12-17T05:17:00.000-05:00

She wanted to know how I got here
What path I took
How I knew what road to travel down
But the truth is you never know
You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other
You do not know where you are going to end up
In fact there are moments when you think you will not even smile again
But you do
You always do
There is always a rainbow on the other side
A gentle hand lifting you up
Pointing you in the right direction
Individuals you never dreamed of are there
And they guide you
They help you to heal
And they open up your eyes to amazing beautiful sights
Things that were in front of you this whole time
When that dark cloud of gloom was following you around
But sunshine has peeked through and for the first time you can see
And you are in awe of the beauty and love that surrounds you
You realize how magical this place is
How much beauty is around every corner
And all you have to do is wipe the sleep out of your eyes to see it
Yours eyes are open now
So incredibly wide there is beauty around every corner
And you are grateful
So incredible grateful
For wearing your heart on your sleeve
Putting yourself out there
And continuing to step deeply into the umknown
Life is filled with so many unexpected surprises
And you are soaking in the glory or each of them

gratitude

2011-12-16T07:35:00.000-05:00

This community provides so much support and love
Holding my hand as I gently take each step forward
Listening, reaching out, lifting me up

Great things happen when we come together
Holding up the mirror
Guiding each other to truly see

We are not meant to travel this journey alone
Each of us is interlocked together
We are stronger when we lean on one another

Thank you for your support
For helping me to see
And filling me up with so much love

I am truly blessed to have you in my life

the beginning of the aftermath

2011-12-14T07:37:00.000-05:00

Dealing with the aftermath is never easy
Speaking aloud the fears I am navigating through
Scares me more than the fears themselves
Feeling isolated and alone
As love swirls around me
Trying so hard to engulf me in it's essence

the beauty of gathering

2011-12-11T19:36:00.001-05:00

Sharing our stories is what it is all about. Sharing deeply who we are, the struggles we face, the roads we travel. Sharing our dreams, our heartache, our insecurities. Sharing all of it. This is what is truly magical. It takes strength to show up exactly as we are. Five pounds heavier than we wished, dust on the floorboards, fears of not having anything of value to add. But we show up none the less with our hearts on our sleeve. And we are seen for exactly who we are. You with your wide expansive heart, your wise business sense, your adventurous spirit, and your quiet wisdom. Love, pure love swirling around as paint get whisked onto paper and things get glued down. Hearts opening, truths revealing themselves, and supportive love holding everyone up. Realizations unfolding that we are all the same and we all are fearful of something. Each of us sees that we are our own harshest critiques. But as we gather we hold up the mirror for one another. Reflecting back the beauty that we see in each other. This is magic of gathering. Sharing stories, making art, laughing, crying, and showing up.

where i've been

2011-12-09T18:40:00.000-05:00

I have been busy over here
Settling in
Navigating my path
Finding where it all falls together

The sun is shining deep in my heart
A smile goes from ear to ear
I have a little dance in my step
And a song in my head

It is a good place to be
Where are you these days?

What has been shifting in your world?

sacred spaces

2011-12-04T20:51:00.000-05:00

It was the small spaces she had to carve out
The ones specifically meant for herself
A trip to the coffee shop
A stroll around the pond
A tiny alter deep inside her closet
It was these sacred spaces that she needed
To keep herself aligned
To continue moving forward
Merging together with another requires some thought
Care and attention to detail
The journey of each others hearts cannot be lost
They must be taken into deep consideration
She knew she had to create these spaces for herself
There are some things she cannot compromise on
And although he might not understand it
He respects this sacred ground
He is happy to see her smiling
Dancing around the room as if she were a child
This brings delight to both of them
As together they each soak in their own sacred space

forgiving the past

2011-12-02T12:34:00.000-05:00

It was the past he was most determined to forget
Storing it under lock and key
Then throwing the key away
Hoping that it would stay hidden in the dark forever

She wondered what he was hiding from
Why he did not want to face it
She wondered what scars lay deep below the surface
Not given adequate attention to heal

She knew well the struggle it was to face the past
Accept the decisions that had been made
Choosing to forgive mistakes
Then step openly into the future

She knew the tug of war that went on inside of her
Before she opened up her own locked box
She was grateful she found the key
Amazed she had the courage

She knows it is his own battle to fight
But she just wants to see him happy
Free from inner demons
Smiling widely from deep inside

in between

2011-11-27T21:52:00.002-05:00

She wanted to make a wish
Closing her eyes
Transporting herself to a different time
Another moment
When things were more settled
Her heals dug firmly in the ground

But she knew herself better
She knew that her wishes were only that, wishes
She knew she would have to go through the struggle
Take the difficult path
It was always that way with her
And she knew that

Along her journey she learned so much
Patience, kindness, love
Showing up and wearing her heart on her sleeve
She learned about being vulnerable
And saying she knew she just needed kindness
She learned how to speak from her heart

And now she stands in limbo
With half her life here
And the other half there
Dancing between the two
Placing her things gently
Not wanting to disrupt the flow of life

She knows how to blend into the background
She knows how to disappear
But this time things are different
He wants to know how she is feeling
He doesn't want to see her cry
He wants them both to be happy

She is no longer dancing alone
She no longer has to step into the darkness
Afraid of what will be waiting for her when she turns on the light
She comes home to someone
Who loves her and holds her close
And together they step into the future

forever

2011-11-25T11:19:00.000-05:00

Forever

I looked the word up in the dictionary because I wanted to know what it meant

"Without ever ending, eternally, continually, incessantly, always"

"An endless or seemingly endless period of time"

That is what I found

That is what they say it means

But what I wonder is

Does anything last forever?

Is there anything we we can rely on, forever?

Should it even be a word in the dictionary?

Should it be a word ever spoken from our lips?

Is there anything in your life that has stayed the same since it began?

Anything that has lasted forever?

Everything changes

Ebbing and flowing with time

Seasons come and go

And so do people

We grow and learn

Never the same forever

Nothing is the same forever

Yet we toss around the world

Speaking it from our lips as if it holds power

But what power could it hold when we never keep the promise?

What ground does this forever word have to stand on?

What does forever really mean?

Gratitude

2011-11-24T06:00:00.000-05:00

Feeling so much gratitude in my heart

Each and every day

Filled up to the brim

Love, kindness, laughter

Each of these things are a part of my daily life

They weave their way into everything I am doing

From the smallest task to the biggest decision

They show up

Ready to take on the world

These three elements guide me

Carry me safely on my journey

There is much I have to be thankful for

An amazing family that is always there for me

Great friends who hold up the mirror and don't let me stray to far off my path

Finding the love of my life and spending beautiful days together

Two wonderful jobs that I enjoy going to

A great apartment to come home to each and every night

Sunshine

Laughter

Smiles and tears

The ability to take adventures with creative souls

Conversations deep into the night

You wonderful individuals who show up here and support me

And the joy of having each day

The list could go on and on

I am grateful

As I write this I am smiling from ear to ear

My eyes filling up with tears

I am so deeply blessed

Thank you

sharing my words

2011-11-23T09:31:00.002-05:00

Today I am over the moon excited
I have had the honor to share my words in two other places today
I hope you will take the time to stop by and visit

You can find me over here on Jen Lee's site
Sharing how I tend to my soul
And take time to listen to what my heart needs

Also my very first post on you heART makes a difference is up
I feel so blessed to be a part of this incredible collaboration
There have been so many beautiful things already, and we have just begun

The rain drops are falling from the sky
So curl up under your covers with your tea in hand
And come stop by and say hello
You know I love seeing you

standing tall

2011-11-22T17:10:00.000-05:00

She stood tall
Even when she felt others around her drifting away
She knew she had to keep reaching
Continue dreaming
Stretching, growing, loving
This was the journey she was cultivating
These were the steps she was destine to take
So she stood tall
In the face of adversity
When others didn't belive in her
She believed in herself
And she pressed on
Standing tall in who she was
Going after what her heart was singing
Letting go of the things she could no longer hold onto
Allowing new things to wash over her

She stood tall

your path

2011-11-19T17:45:00.000-05:00

The path is laid out before you
All you have to do is have the courage to take the first step
Each step you take opens you up to a world of possibility
New adventures
Things you never even knew existed before
Learning, growing, healing
As you meet new individuals
Your heart opens up
You learn to be a little gentler with yourself
Embrace your individuality
Forgive yourself for past mistakes
You learn how to show up in a room full of people
As yourself
Boldly standing in who you are
And feeling confidante, strong, and alive
You delve deeper into what moves you
And you soak this in
Allowing these simple pleasures to be a part of your daily life
You begin to listen to what your heart and mind are saying
Standing peacefully with the two
Wiser for taking the time to get to know yourself
You allow your path to open up before you
As it ebbs and flows so do you
Taking risks
Laughing wildly
Feeling the sun shine down on you
This is your life
And you are going to continue to soak it in

what I know to be true

2011-11-15T21:20:00.001-05:00

. . . holding hands warms my heart instantly
. . . laughter is the key to happiness
. . . you have to let go of your pride in order to move forward
. . . when it is warm and the sun is shining there is only one place to be
. . . feeding the ducks feeds my soul
. . . beautiful sunsets shared through pictures messages is amazing

Life is good

there is always beauty

2011-11-12T23:23:00.000-05:00

There is beauty in the small spaces
The unexpected places
Where you think nothing can survive
It does
Digging deep roots
Heading for the sun
Pushing through the dirt
Shining for all the world to see

Truly living

2011-11-09T17:02:00.000-05:00

Heart out for the world to see
Not hiding behind her fears
She proudly dangles in the breeze
Allowing the wind to take her
Guiding her on her journey
Never alone
Swirling in love and delight for the world
She feels light
Filled with hope
Dancing amongst the stars

stolen moments

2011-11-05T18:09:00.000-04:00

It was in the small moments
During the space between
When our hearts opened up
In these small pockets of time
We stood next to each other
Laughing
Sharing
Just being in each others company
Stolen moments
Embracing the quiet
Painting our stories
Sharing our dreams
Knitting our hearts together
Soaking in these precious moments
We hugged them tenderly
Filled with gratitude that they happened
Stolen moments
Creating a lifetime of memories

Your heart makes a difference

2011-10-30T12:05:00.000-04:00

Your heART makes a difference
It opens people up
Lets them know they are not alone
Brings out smiles
And knowing tears
What you create is important
It comes from your heart
And needs to be shared with the world

I am so honored to let you know
That I will be sharing pieces of my heART
Over here at

With other inspiring individuals
I would love for you to stop by
And join us
As we choose kindness
Practice self care
Be creative
Live with gratitude
and create from the heart

ready for take off

2011-10-28T22:05:00.001-04:00

Ready
To spread my wings
And fly
Ideas are swirling
Lifting me off the ground
Feeling weightless
I take off
Headed into the unknown
With tools inside to help guide me
Following my heart
I flap my wings
Higher and higher I go
Heart smiling
Looking out towards possiblity

Soaring

2011-10-26T14:17:00.000-04:00

They stood on the edge of the shore together
Looking out towards the future
Filled with possibility
Growth
Discomfort
They knew they would be
Stretching
Reaching
Filling up their wells with
Love
Support
They have each other to lean on
When they grow tired they know they can reach out
They know they are never alone
They would all fly together
Towards their dreams
Soaring in the wind

forgiving yourself

2011-10-18T23:29:00.000-04:00

Sometimes before we can move forward we have to get our hands messy
Dig deep down into the dirt and pull out what we have been holding onto for so long
We have to come face to face with our demons
Own our truth
And continue to push forward

It is not always easy to face our dark side
To forgive ourselves for decisions we have made and risks we have taken
But in order to move forward we must do that
We must be gentle with our hearts
And realize we are all only human

Forgiveness opens us up to light
Heals our soul
And allows us to step boldly into the unknown future before us
It lets us see again
And feel the heart beat of the world

Take that one tiny step towards forgiving yourself
And see the path that will begin to open itself up to you
Step onto this path and push yourself forward
Step by step you will feel your heart open up
And the worries in your mind will be set free

I am grateful for...

2011-10-16T21:50:00.000-04:00

*spending time with family
*phone conversation with a good friend
*true love
*short walks to feed the ducks
*soaking up fall
*moving my legs
*heading off for an adventure in a few short days
*time with friends
*capturing the world around me
*being let in to someone's world
*kindness
*text message love

wanting to spill open

2011-10-15T21:43:00.001-04:00

The words are in my mind swirling around
Yet unable to be transferred to the paper
Each time I try to write them
My hand freezes up
My mind stops
Tiredness sets in
I know I need to give them life
For me
For you
I know we both need to hear them
Because as humans
We all go through the roller coaster ride of emotions
And we all just want to connect
So for now I am show up on the page as is
Disheveled, unsure, stuck
Knowing that is ok
As long as I continue to show up

surrounded by beauty

2011-10-07T21:51:00.000-04:00

I used to be a wall flower
Trying my hardest to blend in
Never wanting to draw attention to myself
Thoughts always running through my head
But words never spoken

Over time I have come out of my shell
I stand deeply in who I am
Not afraid of being seen and heard
I put myself out into the world
And embrace what flows my way

I am fortunate to be surrounded by beauty
Individuals in my every day life that make my heart sing
We have heart opening conversations
Sharing between us sacred thoughts, ideas, and feelings
We take the time to truly see one another

In life we are all a part of many different worlds
Each of them connected through one source, yourself
All of these little circles play a significant part in your life
And for each of them you must show up
As yourself and let yourself be seen

Who you are matters to the circles that surround you
Your being adds to the beauty
Your thoughts and words are impact full
And necessary to be spoken
You just being there is an integral part of the equation

When I hid in the background I was missing out
On all the beauty and opportunity that surrounds me
I was afraid
As I slowly stepped out of my protective barrier
I saw that love was there to hold me gently

I am so grateful for the relationships I have formed
For the kindness that others show me day after day
For conversations, laughter, a wave hello
My heart is overflowing with joy
From all the beauty that swirls around

I would not be here today
Had I not searched for what moved me
Had I not found what inside me really makes me happy
Had I not bravely stepped out and showed the world who I am
And now I stand here with my heart wide open

standing besides one another

2011-10-04T21:09:00.000-04:00

We stand beside one another
Accepting each other for who we each are
Being kind
Listening
Laughing
Soaking in the every day moments
The ones that passed by before
Without a thought
They have a new sparkle to them now
It is as we are both seeing them for the first time
We hold hands
Watching the world unfold before us
Ready to take it on

jumping in

2011-10-03T17:46:00.000-04:00

Why does it take me so long to begin
To dig deep in and get my hands messy
Why do I procrastinate immensely
Dancing around the subject
But not diving in
Why do I day dream about it
But do not actually do it
Why do I hold myself bak
Why do I tighten up
And not let go
I need to jump in
Even when I do not know the outcome
I need to loosen up
Not be held back
Simply just go for it

writing

2011-10-02T17:20:00.003-04:00

She never knew that her words would heal the hearts of others
She never knew that they would matter
If you told her years ago that what she wrote would ease another's fears
Make them not feel so alone
She would never believe you
Even if you assured her that you knew it was true
She would not be able to grasp it
She always wrote for herself
Directly from her heart
The words pouring out onto the paper
She spoke of what she knew
What she learned
What she knew to be true
She had to show up on the page
She had to free the words from her mind
Releasing them into the universe
And here she stands today
Not keeping her words bottled up
Showing up here
Opening up
Inviting others in
Living, feeling, smiling

deeply rooted

2011-09-28T16:15:00.000-04:00

She was hopefull that this day would arrive
And it did
Not how she expected
But it came

Before it's arrival she prepared
Tending to her heart
Soaking in the quiet moments alone
Learning what moved her
What made her dance
Made her laugh

And now she stands deep in who she is
Fully present with what is surrounding her
Laughing with her whole heart
Soaking in the happiness that swirls around

Grateful that she took the time to wait and listen

moments can change your life

2011-09-25T23:54:00.003-04:00

There are moments in your life that happen. Moments you could not have thought up or dreamed about because you had no idea such a thing could ever occur. But somehow these moments present themselves. You are given the opportunity to embrace them and let them flow with you, guiding you along.

These moments are stepping stones in your life. Taking you from one place to the another. However, describing them as stepping stones does not seem adequate because these moments are life changing. Opening up a whole new door of possibility. Breathing life into your tired heart. Holding you gently. Nudging you along. Encouraging you to keep your head held high.

Many times the individuals who change the course of our life forever are gone in the blink of an eye. Leaving you feeling in awe at the power of connection between individuals. So many people in this world. So many individuals we pass on a daily bases and interact with. But only a select few stirs ours heart and wakes us up. Only a handful have the ability to creep in and see below our outer protective barrier. Why is it that certain individuals connect and others do not? What is it that pulls us deeply into each other? What forms the space between others? It is interesting to be roaming the roads of life. Meeting so many different individuals. Traveling down one path and then getting directed somewhere else all because of a brief encounter.

Strangers can open us up. They can stand before us and accept us exactly as we are in the moment. They do not know the past. They do not know our struggles. They just see you before them. Your heart in your hand ready to be revealed. You stand there in all of your being radiating who you are. And you never know if you will walk away with something new. A new opportunity, a new friend, a new chance to take.

letting go

2011-09-20T18:19:00.000-04:00

And the day came
When she dug her toes deep into the sand
And simply let go
Surrendering to the universe
All it has in store for her

beautiful life

2011-09-18T20:38:00.000-04:00

It was here that she knew the journey was worth it
The struggles and the pain
They all helped to clear her heart
Open her up to see what it was that would truly feed her soul
There were many dark nights when she was lost
Stumbling and almost giving up hope
But she always pressed on
Stepping one small foot in front of the other
Unsure of what lies ahead of her
But knowing she had to continue down the path
And now she stands deeply rooted in love
So full of beauty and kindness
Her heart is overflowing with joy
The smile on her face radiates
As she twirls in the sunlight
And soaks in the beautiful life that she has created

the magic

2011-09-17T22:44:00.000-04:00

There is magic in the air
And this time of year always brings me back to 2008
The year that my life changed courses forever
The year my eyes were opened up to a whole new world
And my heart was opened up to a whole new kind of love
Magic, swirling around
Enveloping me with hope
Nudging me forward
And kindly encouraging me to step deeply into myself
The woods was a safe haven for me
To show up, as I was
Not all put together
Scattered, bruised, and unsure of the path I was traveling
The woods accepted all of me.
There was magic pulling me in
And it held me gently
Each year at this time my mind travels back
To the paths I walked
The smiles from strangers
The kindness in the eyes of those I just met
New friendships were forming
A new understanding of me was taking shape
At the time I had no idea that those woods would change my life forever
I had no idea the power that magic held in this life
But it does
And I am living proof
I was once afraid of the world
And now I stand fearlessly in front of it
Embracing all that comes my way
And those friendships that were formed under the stars
They help to guide me on my path
And remind me of what lies deep within me
I am forever grateful for the magic that the woods held
How it enveloped me with safety
And opened my eyes to a loving way of living

Connecting

2011-09-16T15:29:00.000-04:00

Life is a constant flow of individuals
Floating in and out of our lives
Some fall deep into our every day
Seeing us through thedarkness
Nudging us along as we face challenges
Holding our hand and laughing with us

Others stay only for a brief moment in time
Flying in right when we seem to need to them
They dig deep into our heart
And we are never the same
Even after they float away
The mark they left on us reminds us of their beauty

It does not matter how long an individual was in your life
What matters is the connection that you shared when you were together
The memories you created
The secrets you whispered
The skin you shed to show your true self
Theses connections push us a little father
Help us to grow a litte bit more
And bravely we can spread our wings and fly

No Regrets

2011-09-07T07:05:00.001-04:00

It was not suppose to happen like this
But then again how was it "suppose to happen"
We both knew the circumstances surrounding the situation
We both knew where we stood
What we were getting into
Where it could possibly go
We knew it the entire time
Yet we did not let that stop us from opening the door
We did not let that stop us from telling our stories
Sharing pieces of our hearts
Taking each other along on our journey's
Knowing the reality never stopped us
And now here we both stand
I am here and you are there
And I am really glad we never let those things get in the way
Because I value the moments we spent together
I treasure the smiles and laughter
Even if they were fleeting
I am so grateful our paths crossed
And for a brief moment in time we let each other in

moving free from the past

2011-08-31T16:38:00.001-04:00

Isn't it amazing when we first lose something we are devestated
We feel like we can not go on without it
But time moves us forward
And slowly we let go of the pain
We free ourselve from the loss
And we move on
We forget that we were ever missing anything at all
We forget what life was like when we had it
Because we have gone on and created new memories
Filled our hearts with new love
In life things are constantly changing
Never staying the same forever
At times this can be troubling to our hearts
But it is really a beautiful thing
It allows us to embrace each day
The small treasures
The moments
Everything coming in to fill up our wells

And shape our journey

trust

2011-08-30T00:33:00.000-04:00

Listen to what your heart has to say
Trust that it is leading you in the right direction
Do not be afraid of the path you are traveling on
Let go and observe the miracles before you
Your inner pixie will be your guide

opening up to each other

2011-08-28T06:00:00.000-04:00

You have crossed over into my world
A stranger before
Now slowly making your way in
I created space for you
Opening up
Sharing pieces of my story with you
It is beautiful to watch you do the same
To learn about who you are
Where you come from
What makes your heart move
No one knows what the future will hold
So I keep these moments close
Embracing each one
Grateful that our paths have crossed
And shined light upon both of us

tell your story

2011-08-27T13:37:00.000-04:00

You are writing the story of your life each and every day
You are creating beauty and magic
Weaving together interactions deep into your heart
Do not be afraid to share that story with the world
The world needs to hear your tale, all of it
The good times as well as the not so good times
Giving voice to the dark moments
The ones you want to forget about
Will allow you to release them
It will bring an inner healing to your heart
And give strength to others, knowing they are not alone
Tell these stories
Own them
We all make mistakes
What is important is how you handle them after the destruction
Do not continue to bury them deep inside
When they are down their they stew up negative emotions
You do not have to continue living through that
Release your stories into the world
Hold your head a little bit higher
And step deeply into the world
You are filled with light
That deserves to shine
Shine brightly, shine brightly

when the time is right

2011-08-21T17:20:00.000-04:00

The time will come
And only you will know when that is
You will see things a little differently
Your heart will let lose what it was gripping

No one can tell you to make that choice now
No one knows what you feel
What you see
What you have been through

You must trust the process
Allow the world to wash over you
Surrender into the unknown
Listen to what your heart whispers

T.W.A

2011-08-18T21:02:00.001-04:00

Go west he told
Follow your heart and go west
I love that he knew that thought was breathing in my mind
Here in the east I feel like I do not fit in
He could sense it
And he took the time to speak with me about it

Conversations with him feed my soul
His words lift me up
And hold me gently
Thoughts and ideas flow easily
And together we help each other through
As the time seems to fly by

He chooses his words carefully
Giving me space to voice my feelings
He opens up to me
And I treasure the stories he tells
Both of us never passing judgment on the other

You never know where friendship will bloom
Where secrets will be whispered
Laughter will be shared
And hope will be infused

Sometimes it comes in the most unexpected places
But there is a bond there that you both cannot deny
You help each other
Listen to what the other is saying when words are not spoken
And really see one another

These conversations are sacred
These moments in time leave deep marks on your heart
And both of you are forever changed because of the other

encounters with beauty

2011-08-16T23:18:00.000-04:00

Do not forget where you came from
How you have been tended to along the way
Your roots run deep
Many people have become intertwined within you
The brief encounters
Fleeting moments
A smile shared with a strange
Deep conversations held around the fire of life
Side splitting laughter
A long embrace
A friendly hello
All of these moments leave a mark
They help to guide us along on our journey
Do not forget that you are where you are today
Because of where you stood yesterday
Each interaction cracks us open a little bit more
Connects us to the earth
And brings us deeper to knowing ourselves
Give thanks to those who have held your hand
Reached out to you
Listened when you hurt
And giggled with you in the rain
Life is beautiful when shared with each other

traveling

2011-08-15T05:04:00.001-04:00

We are all traveling somewhere
Headed in a direction
Even when we do not realize it
The world keeps turning
We keep spinning
Never sure of where we are going to end up
Even when we plan where that will be
A bend in the road appears
A new path is taken
Completely out of our control
The best that we can do is to roll with it
Accept what comes
And keep pushing forward
Life will always continue to go on
Whether you are ready for it or not
So try your best to embrace the hiccups
Let the rough times travel through you
Do not cling to them
And let them weigh you down
Let go
Be open
Feel free as you travel
The journey is beautiful
Open your eyes to see it

In the storm

2011-08-14T11:10:00.000-04:00

I am standing here
In the storm
Feeling hurt
Disappointed
Learning how to continue forward
On a different path

I wonder
Where I went wrong
What I could have done different
Why do I have to go through this struggle
It makes me feel small
Insignificant, disrespected

Throughout the journey
I was kind and respectful
I came to the table with an open heart
And now here I stand deep in the storm
Feeling the pain

what I would want you to know

2011-08-09T23:02:00.001-04:00

If you were here
Sitting beside me
This is what I would want you to know
This is what I would tell you
This is what I would hope you would understand
And be able to truly feel and believe

You are amazing
You are doing a lot in this world
Even when you feel like you aren't
I wish I could open your eyes to see the impact you have
On all that is surrounding you

Your smile is contagious
You are friendly
Kind
Caring

And you work really hard
I know you do
So what if it is not your dream job
And it isn't what you thought you would be doing

And so what if it is serving people drinks
Or bringing them their food
You are doing something for another
You are putting yourself out there
And you are not doing it haphazardly

You are doing it well and with pride
And it doesn't matter what you are doing
What matters is that you are doing it with pride
That is what is important

You show up and you care
Everyone around you can see that

I know it is a struggle for you to be where you are
It is a struggle to think that you haven't accomplished anything
Or that you haven't gotten anywhere
But really you have

You need to take that measuring stick of yours
And you need to adjust it
Because you need to see that you really have come far
And the most important thing is that your happy
That the world is feeding your soul
That you are just out there living each day
Embracing what comes before you

Because there is going to be one day
When there is not going to be another day after it
And you don't want to have the regret that you didn't take the chance
You didn't say what you wanted to say
You didn't just go out there and do it
And you don't want to be miserable throughout your entire ride here

Nobody wants to see you miserable on your entire journey
You have the personality that you won't let that happen
And you have the personality that you will succeed

Realize how strong you are
How much you do
How brave and amazing
Kind and caring you are

Realize you are going to get ahead
You are going to make it
You are going to be someone you are proud of
But know that you should really be proud of that person now
Because you are incredible
But if you are struggling with that
Know that the day will come
There will be a moment in time when you will be able to step back and say
"Man, I am awesome"

And when you speak those words
I want you to speak them directly from your gut and from your soul
And I want you to feel them truly, honestly feel them
Because you are someone pretty awesome
And you deserve to be happy
You deserve to accomplish any goal you set your mind to

Just keep putting yourself out there
Keep stepping forward
Continue to not worrying about what other people are doing
Or allowing other peoples expectations to creep in
Forget about others peoples ideas for what you should be doing

Realize that you
Exactly as you are
Is exactly where you should be

You are well respected
You are loved
You are an incredible human being

your story

2011-08-08T22:45:00.000-04:00

Lately I have struggled to put words onto the page
Maybe I was avoiding showing up
Maybe I was to busy
Maybe I wasn't ready to face something
There are many maybes that can be put down
But one thing I know for sure
Is that I stopped telling my story

I kept putting one foot in front of the other
Moving, but never really advancing
Blindly jumping from one thing to the next
Keeping my story inside
Under lock and key

I felt more lost than ever
All jumbled up and tangled in these vines of containment
The freedom that comes with putting myself out there
Was buried deep inside me
The clarity that comes from connection when you tell your story
Was non existent

I felt as if I had been dropped onto the floor
Shattered into many different pieces
And totally unsure of how to put myself back together again

My story
The pieces that make up me
Not my job, where I live, what I drive
But my truth
Needs to be shared

It is important for each of us to show up
Tell our stories
Really allow others in
And embrace the moment

Each of our stories
Is vital to the ebb and flow of this world
And it needs to be told

How are you telling your story?

Right now...

2011-08-07T14:08:00.000-04:00

::: Riding a bicycle feeds my soul
::: I need to show up to the page more often
::: I am so lucky to be surrounded by loving, supportive individuals who life me up and hold me gently
::: I need to slow down, be present, stay true to myself
::: I am capable of so much
::: Family is the glue that holds me together
::: I must continue to put myself out there
::: It will return again one day
::: Simply showing up and being myself feeds this world. Yes, it is that simple

Crossroads

2011-08-02T06:03:00.000-04:00

Caught at a crossroads
Not sure which way to turn

Take the familiar route
The one I traveled down before
The one where I know most of the roads
Can always find my way home

Or jump deep into the unknown
And find a world completely unfamiliar
Lost at times
Struggle through the uncomfortable

So much possibility lies within the two
So different they are
Have I grown to much to stay with the familiar
Will I feel more lost there than through the struggle of the unknown

My heart is torn
My feet are tired
My mind is can't make itself up

the only way I know how

2011-07-31T06:00:00.000-04:00

I open up to the world
Showing my vulnerable pieces
Doing this enables me to connect more deeply with others
It brings me closer to them
Gives me a chance to feel and be free
It is a beautiful thing

There were moments in my life when I was deep in the fire
Pushed down into the gutter
My heart torn to shreds
Dark skies covering my world
There were moments I wasn't sure if I would make it

But I always did
The hurt doesn't stop me
The pain that was there doesn't hold me back
I keep pushing forward
Holding my heart in the palm of my hands

I share my most vulnerable pieces
I am not afraid to take a risk
Show my emotions
Feel the world

I stand deeply in the unknown
My past does not dictate my future happiness
I let go
Releasing that which no longer serves me

I raise my head up towards the sun
Wishing for the best
And taking the leap

One may think this is a dangerous way to live
But it is the only way I know how
Risking my heart
Daring to dream
Feeling my way through the world

the path I have been walking

2011-07-30T23:49:00.000-04:00

I have not shown up here in awhile
And I am not really sure where I have been
Writing is my landing place
Where I show up to just be
Putting everything on the page that comes to mind
But my creative juices have seemed to come to a grinding halt
I have been wrapped up in work
Pouring my creativity into Power Point animations
I need to shift
I need to feed my creative fire
Let it shine brightly
Continue to put words to paper
And photograph the world around me
I hope to show up here more often
And share with you the musings from my soul

step into the light

2011-07-26T22:03:00.000-04:00

Do not be fearful of stepping into the light
Making mistakes
Moving forward
Pushing yourself a little harder than you thought you could go

You are so much stronger than you realize
You deserve to shine
The world is your blank canvas to paint on
And it wants to hear the songs you sing

This holding back does not serve you
You need to let go
Break free
Bust a move and boogie

You are not always going to get it right
And that is ok
But you have to take the chance
Be brave, put yourself out there

through the journey

2011-07-23T06:53:00.000-04:00

My heart has been hanging in mid air
Self doubt creeping in
After sensing that I wasn't being heard
I was lost
Unsure how to begin

I reached out for help
But got knocked down
I felt defeated
Unsure of myself
And not cut out for what I was doing

But for some reason I am lucky
And angels surround me
Lifting me up gently
Holding my hand
And encouraging me along the way

While trying to navigate my way on this path
I was opened up to a new way of thinking
Pushed forward
and listened to by my angels

My spirits were lifted
My footing was regained
And the walls of self doubt came crumbling down
As I created and produced something pretty cool

I learned so much through this journey
And am so proud of what I have accomplished
Without my angels I would still be lost
Struggling to navigate through this on my own
But my heart is held gently by those who surround me
And for this I am incredibly grateful

let the sun shine in

2011-07-14T22:40:00.001-04:00

I have been shutting down
I know it
I feel it
I see myself do it

I do not like being here
In this place where I am unhappy
Closing myself off
Allowing the darkness to creep in

There is sunlight surrounding me
Holding my hand
Listening to my concerns
But yet I linger on this dark path

I need to break myself free
Open up
Embrace the uncomfortable
Submerge myself in the unknowing
Reach out

I need to let go
Allow myself to fall
Give this energy a voice
And set it free

life

2011-07-12T22:20:00.000-04:00

There are many times I question
What is real in this world
What is our purpose for being here
What is it we are meant to be doing

Today those questions were answered
I saw and experienced what life is all about

Connecting with each other
Creating memories
Telling stories
Laughing about the past, the good times and the bad
Expressing appreciation
Drying tears from each others eyes
Standing next to one another
Holding hands
Giving a hug, and deeply feeling the embrace

It was a sad day
But there was so much love
The support that was shown for one another
Opened my heart
And showed me that life is about being there
Together
In the moment with each other
Soaking it in
Appreciating the beauty
And fully living this life

We need one another
In times of sadness and in times of joy
We need to laugh with each other
Go for walks
Open our hearts
Do silly things
Cry when we need to
And just be there
With each other
And for each other

Life is such a mystery
Nothing is guaranteed
And nothing is certain
But right here, right now
We can just be who we are
And fall deeply into the connections
That encircle us
These friendships that fill our life with love

. . .

2011-07-10T18:17:00.001-04:00

Traces of you still lingers here
Even when I thought the last piece of you were gone
A memory surfaces
An image so real makes its way across my mind
And I am right back in that moment

setting the table

2011-07-07T21:26:00.001-04:00

What is it you are looking to create?
What mark do you want to leave on the world?
The table is empty
Ready for you to set it
With whatever way you desire

How do you want to invite people in?
So that they come and sit down, staying awhile
To share their dreams
Whisper their inner most desires
And work together to scheme up ideas to make them come true

There are no rules
Nothing is off limits
The table is clean
Ready to be created upon

What do you want to create here?
How will you bring yourself to the table?

being present

2011-07-07T01:08:00.000-04:00

All to often we want to rush things along
Push them through as quickly as we can
Never really giving it the thought or the moment that it needs
To grow
To evolve
To just be
We have learned to want things now
And not let them naturally progress
Stew into what they can become
We have become so impatient with the process
Only craving results

By doing this we miss the lessons along the way
We miss learning how things come together
How they bend and form into a new shapes
We also miss our chance to just be
In that uncomfortable place
Allowing the uncertainty of life to propel us

You cannot force things to happen
Or create the perfect situation for something to grow and bloom
All you can do
Is just be, in the moment
Open to the idea that anything is possible
If you give it space and room to grow and breathe

When you try to hold on tightly
When you try to force the situation
Then you have lost
You have to just be
Exactly where you are
Learning from the uncomfortable feelings
Leaning into the uncertainty
And trusting that it will unfold just as it is meant to
You have to just be present in the world

summer fun

2011-07-05T06:30:00.000-04:00

I have not been around here all that often lately
Which leaves me to missing all of you
But it is summer time
And as soon as the air starts to warm up
My feet find there way outside
And it is hard to get them back in
I have been soaking in all the beauty
That summer time has to offer
And my pen has been on vacation
From making its way across the paper
Maybe it will return soon
Well rested
And ready to write
Until then I will continue to soak it all in

the moments

2011-07-04T20:59:00.001-04:00

It is the small unexpected moments in life
The ones that naturally unfold
Simply because you are living the life you are meant to be living
When you are doing that
Life opens up to you
The sun shines down
The warm air caresses your face
And you soak it all in
Moment after moment
You live it
Breathe it in
Feel deep in your soul how lucky you are
And know that you are traveling down the right path

what is this?

2011-06-28T05:00:00.004-04:00

"I like this" you say. I am completely unsure what 'this' is, but never bother to ask for clarification. 'This' encounter over coffee. Sitting, chatting, but never really getting to the heart. Staying gently on the surface, with me revealing more about myself then you ever will. Is 'this' what you like? I chalk it up to you just wanting us to be friends. It seems so long ago that we held one another in a deep embrace. Our lips touching and the walls of our hearts coming down.

You keep repeating the words "I like this" and my mind has still yet to understand what 'this' is. 'This' ... what is this? Two strangers getting together for brief moments in time. Awkwardly sharing stories. Occasionally sending little messages of hello. There were moments before this one. When we were both completely open. You showed me glimpses into your heart and made space for me to be in your arms. We equally shared our stories gently pulling one another in.

After the music died down you slowly stepped away bringing space between us. And now here we stand. I try to put together the pieces of the puzzle, but nothing seems to fit. And the only words I have to work with are "I like this"

taking a new way home

2011-06-27T05:04:00.002-04:00

When you do the same things all the time
You get the same outcome
When you mingle with the same group of people
Take the same way home
Park in the same spot
Live inside the little box of comfort that surrounds you
Well, life will be same

And that may not be a bad thing
It is predictable and safe
But it does not open up the door for new opportunities
New chance encounters
New adventures or sites to be seen
It simply is what it is

And some days that is exactly what we need
We need to get what we expect
We need to know what is coming around the bend next
We do not want to be surprised or come onto a little hiccup
That spins us out of control

But there are other days when we crave adventure
We long for deep conversation with strangers
Want to get lost and have to figure out a new way home
These are the days when we want to live on the edge
Take the risk
Be wide open to whatever may come our way

I tend to lean more towards the days where we do not know what is coming next
So I take a different way home
Park in a new spot
Spark up a conversation with a stranger
And really listen to what the world is saying
It is these days where the unexpected brings complete joy
New friendships are sparked
And beautiful memories are created

one small shift

2011-06-26T10:15:00.000-04:00

Sometimes it is just one small thing that you shift
That opens things up
One small little detail that you adjust
Because it never felt completely right before
But you kept going with it
Because you could not place your finger on what it was
And then you make one small move
And you can instantly feel it
It is as if the universe shouted "yes, that is it"
And deep in your heart and soul you open up
Feeling new again
Alive
Ready to just be in this world

my voice

2011-06-23T22:21:00.009-04:00

The time is now
To use that voice inside of me
To speak up
Be heard
Say it loudly and clearly
It is time
To express to the world what I have to say
Push myself beyond pen and paper
And use my voice

Shining

2011-06-19T21:31:00.003-04:00

I only know small pieces of you
For a brief moment in time
You opened the door
and showed me a glimpse of your heart
The moment was fleeting
But I am so grateful for having had the opportunity

You have opened me up
In so many incredible ways
And I know
That the world is a better place
Because you are in it

Do not forget
That you must keep on dreaming
And holding on to your passions
What speaks to you is important to this world
Because when you go out and pursue it
You leave a mark on all of us
And we are forever changed

Know that you are enough
Just as you are
Even through the struggles
You will make it through
Wiser, lighter, stronger
And you will find that inner peace
You are searching for

You are a light in this world
That shines at its brightest
When you are doing what speaks to you
Even from a distance I can feel you shining

Paris anyone?

2011-06-17T15:12:00.002-04:00

In my mind I travel to far away places all the time

I can easily transport myself

To a place I have never been

A destination I long to see

Deep into an experience I wish to have

My mind has a way of wandering off

Day dreaming, my third grade teacher would say

And my vivid imagination makes it easy for me to feel like I am there

I love getting lost inside these moments

But it is even better to jump on a plane

And arrive in an new place

Be greeted by unfamiliar faces

And explore all the new things my eyes are seeing

So when I have the chance to enter a contents

For a free trip to Paris

Well, you can be sure I entered

And you should enter to

Because when you travel anyone

You return changed

In a good way

And that is a beautiful thing

you better be ready

2011-06-14T23:12:00.004-04:00

If you ask the universe to teach you about one word
Over the course of the entire year
And for that word to be your focus for that time
Well
You better be ready

Because when you ask the universe to do something
It goes ahead and does it
And it may not be in the way you were expecting
In fact, it most likely will not be in the way you wanted

The universe will open your eyes
Dig deep into your soul
And tug at your heart strings
It will challenge you
Force you to look in the mirror
And really, truly see yourself

The universe will not give you any breaks
Or take you down any short cuts
It will come at you quickly
Throwing you some curve balls along the way
Pushing you to the edge
Then pulling you back up

And when you want to throw your hands up in the air
Trying to surrender
The universe won't let you
"This is what you asked for"
The universe will say
And she will stand beside you
Because the universe never gives up on you

Through all of it
The universe is right there by your side
Holding your hand
And guiding you through the difficult times
Even though you may not be able to see that

And when you want to kick the universe to the curb
She will remind you again
"This was your request"
And she will push and push
Until it finally clicks in your head

And we all know
How long somethings can take to click in your head
So you better be prepared
Because the universe is in full swing
To move you forward

finding my way home

2011-06-12T21:53:00.005-04:00

Feeling very out of touch lately

With myself

And the world around me

Running from one thing to the next

Spending more hours that usual working

Not giving myself time to rest, process, breathe

My body brought on the warning signs strong this weekend

Forcing me into bed when I had other plans in mind

Sucking me of my energy

Bringing on strong waves of pain

Why does it take all of that to slow me down?

Why do I run so quickly?

Push myself so far?

I am not a superhero

I cannot do it all

Even if I want to

I am just one person

I can only do as much as I can do

There are times when I need time to just be

To stop for a minute and breathe in life

So now I need to find my way back to myself

Turn on the inner search light

And seek out the girl who has been running

I need to clear my calendar and schedule in some time alone

I have not picked up my pen in awhile

My heart and soul are yearning for me to write

There are so many words and feelings that want to come out

So many lessons I have been learning

That need to be expressed

So the search is on

To find my way home

believe

2011-06-06T14:51:00.002-04:00

You have to believe in yourself
Believe that everything you dream of
Everything that calls to your heart
Even the silent whispers that your souls speaks
You have to believe that you are deserving of all of them

You have to stop beating yourself up
Stop thinking you will never make it
Stop letting those inner demons speak louder than your tenderness

You are traveling down your life path
You are on your very own journey
All of your hopes, dreams, and inner desires
They all have the potential to unfold right before you

But first
You have to believe
Believe in how wonderful you really are
Believe that the world would be a much different place
If you weren't here carving your own path

You have to believe in your worth
Because you are so worthy
Of love, light, laughter, adventure
You are worthy of it all

Today is the day
To take that one small step
That will open up a world of opportunity for you

Simply because you belived in yourself

Mindy

2011-06-02T01:21:00.004-04:00

There are some people that come into your life
And upon meeting them you are never, ever the same
Mindy is one of those individuals for me

When I traveled to the Oregon Coast in 2009 I had no idea that the course of my life was going to be altered forever. The way I viewed myself would be shattered. And slowly over time I would be able to pick up the pieces, examine them, and for the first time see clearly who I really was. The lack of confidence that I traveled with to Oregon would be tossed into the ocean and swept out to sea. Boarding the plane back to NJ I was taking with me tools that I needed to forge ahead on my journey.

The journey of finding yourself is not an easy one to undertake or figure out. There is no right or wrong way to do it. It is just about showing up and living each day. I struggled through some dark nights as tears poured from my eyes. My inner demons shouting that I was not good enough, did not deserve happiness, and had nothing to offer this world. There were moments that were incredibly tough.

But the beautiful part about life is that you do not have to ever travel alone. As human beings we need each other and feed off of one another. It is tough to show up and say: "I do not have the answers" ~ "I am hurting inside and am unsure why" ~ "I do not know what to do" It is really difficult to shed our tough exterior and show the world our vulnerable pieces. To admit our past mistakes and let them go. Understanding that our past does not define our future.

When we do this. When we we forgive ourselves, show up and just be who we are, exactly as we are ~ we are enough. Magical things happen. You meet people you never thought you would meet. Experience a whole world of things you dreamed about. And you get submerged into the life you are meant to be living.

Mindy opened me up. Encouraged me along with each shaky step that I took. She never let me believe those demons that tried to force their own opinion on me. She gently shed light on the gift that I have inside of me and encourages me to share it with the world. If my path had never crossed Mindy's I am unsure of where I would be standing today.

It is amazing what individuals can do for each other. There are times we do not even realize we are touching another's life, but we are. And it happens because we allow ourselves to be seen and we show up in the world.

I am so incredibly grateful to know Mindy. To stand here and watch her spread her wings and fly. She breathes so much goodness into the world and inspires so many individuals. She is one of the kindness, most gentle, and caring individuals that I know ~ with an incredible accent. Her paintings are stunning and her heat filled with love and compassion. I honor her courage to keep stepping forward on her journey.

I hope you have a minute to stop by and view her space at Timsally. I just know you will adore her just as much as I do. I have to warn you though, one minute of listening to her speak and you will want her to continue talking all night.

This is what a keeps me moving forward in life. Incredible connections that transpire between individuals. Opening people up. Feeling comfortable to shed the hard exterior and appreciate the "neat" things in life.

protective heart

2011-06-01T06:19:00.002-04:00

I place things into my heart
Nurturing and cultivating with tenderness
Opening up to new possibilities
And experiencing different adventures
I am willing to put myself out there
Submerge my whole heart into it
Take chances
I try not to hold back or to hold on
Giving people and things space to be
Just as they are

But when it comes to speaking about matters of the heart
Face to face
I struggle
My mind goes blank and words just flow out of me
I am not even sure of what I am saying
It feels like an out of body experience
Just like when I speak in front of a large group

When the moment is over and I have a chance to breathe
I wonder why my mind took over like that
Was it trying to protect my heart from being hurt
It seems to go into this defensive mode
Feelings I wanted to express never come out
Things I wanted to share stay tucked away inside my heart

In the aftermath I struggle
Wondering why I can be so open to take the chance in the first place
But then hold back in saying what I really wanted in the moment
It is something I know I need to continue working on
With each experience being conscious of this habit
Slowly peeling back the protective shell
To reveal the tender open heart within

"trues"

2011-05-31T00:06:00.000-04:00

An inner dialogue is always running through my head
At times the words spoken are not kind
Carrying daggers
They stab me in the heart
Making me feel like I am not good enough
It is my own voice that is speaking
Why is it so hard on me?

Words flow from my heart for others
Lifting them up
Holding them gently
Carrying them through the storm
But when I look in the mirror
And speak to myself
The words are not kind at all

It is in these moments
That I am so grateful for my "trues"
The individuals in my life who see me for exactly who I am
And reflect it back to me when those dark voices start to speak
They usher in
And fight off my inner daemons
I do not even have to ask for there help
They just know
And like angels they appear

I am so incredibly blessed
To have these beautiful souls in my life
Holding up a mirror to me
And gently opening up my eyes
When I am unable to see

living through the feelings

2011-05-28T11:07:00.000-04:00

Since returning
The connection between my mind and my pen has been a struggle
I have tried lining words up to form a sentence
Express my feelings
Release what is swirling around inside of me
But nothing is coming out

I am in a period of transition
Of letting go
and opening myself up to the world around me
Not holding anything to tightly
But allowing things to come in and go out

It is not an easy path to travel down
Being such a deep feeler
It can be difficult to give freedom to all of these emotions
Allowing them to just be what they are
Without holding on

I am bravely stepping forward
Through the darkness
And the questions
Digging deeper into the strength that is within me
Revealing pieces of my heart with each step

I know I must live boldly
Without fear
Planning my next adventure
And standing tall in the uncomfortableness of life
Reaching, stretching, growing

L.O.V.E

2011-05-25T20:50:00.000-04:00

Can you feel it swirling around
It is deep within you
Flowing out of you
Hugging you gently
And bringing a smile to your face

Love

It is every where
In the friendly hello from lady who works at the library
The kind smile from the gentleman filling up your gas tank
The conversation between you and your customers at work

Love

Wrapping its arms around you
Lifting you up so you feel like you are soaring
Making you laugh
And opening you up to fully appreciating life

Love

You can see it in everything
Feel it in each encounter you have
Leaving a mark on your heart
As you venture through each day

Love

Arriving in the palm of your hand
Felt through friendships where you are deeply seen
Memories being created with family
Helping you to keep moving forward

Love

A feeling so deep
Bringing so much joy
Support and strength
Always circling around you

Love, do you feel it?

brought back home

2011-05-22T12:36:00.000-04:00

It is a place I love going to
Spending hours upon hours
Writing, reading, soaking in the goodness of just being there
But now every time I walk through the doors
The feeling is not the same
Sadness fills me up inside
As I feel your presence within these walls
I know you are not there
But still I feel you, so strongly

Today when I went inside
I had to leave quickly
The feeling of you being there was so powerful
It is a funny thing that can happen with a place
Holding onto your hopes
When you are trying to let them go
Exposing feelings
That you are trying to forget
And resurfacing memories
That you are trying to leave behind

Today I as flooded with those thoughts
Brought back to your smile
The day we met
The words you said
The moments we shared together
It made my heart sad
To look back
And feel it all again

I am blessed

2011-05-19T01:07:00.000-04:00

Sometimes there are no words that can describe a feeling

No string of letters that can explain the love that is in my heart

I am feeling so very blessed for...

... creating something magical with two stunning souls

... time spent in the sunshine

... walking along a path, and finding interesting things along the way

... dreams coming true ~ one right after the other

... beautifully honest conversation

... inspiring women who encircle me with love

... good friends who take me to the airport and pick me up

... delicious food

... dinner time around the table

... candlelight

... space

... love

... learning new things

... seeing friends again

... flying through the sky to arrive, just as I am

... looking deep inside myself

... dreaming up new ideas

... connecting with others

... supporting and encouraging one another

... tear falling belly hurting type of laughter

... little messages arriving in the palm of my hand

... knowing that I was missed while I was away

... sharing my stories when I returned home

... getting teased

... soaking in the beauty of life

This list could go on and on ... what a great thing.

What are you feeling blessed for today?

to be true

2011-05-14T05:00:00.000-04:00

There are many uncertainties in this world

But there are also some things that I know to be true

Like....

* Good friends can lift you out of the rubble, carry you to safety, and remind you that everything will be ok

* Family is a vital part of living

* Sunshine breathes new life into the darkest moments

* Laughter heals the soul

* Connections between individuals is what keeps people moving forward

* We must always move forward

* Anything is possible if you are willing to put in the hard work it takes to achieve it

* One of the bravest thing you can do is love someone with your whole heart

* Sometimes risks are worth taking

* Nothing in this world will last forever, but while they are happening they can be life altering

moving forward

2011-05-13T05:00:00.000-04:00

I stand here
Observing the world
And the beauty around me
Unsure of which way to step next
But knowing in my heart I must continue on
The path is long
Filled with many unexpected turns
With each new direction
I gain something I did not even realize I was missing
I cannot stand in one place for to long
I must move forward
Stepping into the unknown
Bravely putting myself out there

open

2011-05-12T09:00:00.002-04:00

Exploring life brings a smile to my face

New adventures around every corner

Stories unfolding

Life taking place

How lucky I am

To be here

Experiencing it all

Open to possibility

nothing stays the same

2011-05-10T05:00:00.001-04:00

Everything in this world changes
What was important to me a couple of months ago
Has since shifted
Moments have passed
People have come, and gone
Different circumstances surround me
Different conversations take place
Each day is something new
I am usually good with embracing change
Moving forward
Stepping into the world with excitement for what is to come
But lately I have been unsure of my footing
Questioning all of the transformation that occurs
Thinking about how fleeting things can be
What was once new and shiny ultimately loses its luster and begins to rust
How do we know what to believe in when the world is constantly changing?
What can we trust?
Is there anything we know for sure?
How can we know where to step next when tomorrow it could all be gone?
Some questions, unfortunately
Do not have any answers
Still my mind races
Trying to figure if there is anything I can believe in

following me around

2011-05-09T10:00:00.000-04:00

"somewhere only we know" ~ Keane

Sometimes after not hearing a song for a long time
It shows up
And follows you around
Showing up in unexpected places
And you can't help but stop and listen to it
Soaking in the lyrics

This song keeps doing that to me

spilling it out

2011-05-08T21:16:00.000-04:00

If you asked her to speak
Her words would become jumbled
She would feel tongue tied
But if you gave her a pen
And a piece of paper
The words flowed
Directly from her heart
Onto the page
There was no filter
No holding back
Just raw honesty
Laid out before her
She showed the world her heart
Put it all out there
For others to examine
It was healing for her to do so
And so she continues on
Pen in hand
Journal tucked away in her backpack
So whenever the moment arose
She could write
Spilling her heart out onto the page

. . .

2011-05-04T06:29:00.000-04:00

Sometimes we try to play these tricks on ourselves
Even though we know the only person we are hurting is ourself
We make up reasons that do not exist
Weave little tales to ease our heart
Hide ourselves from what is really taking place
I think it is a matter of survival
Of protecting our heart
And gently easing into the reality that will cause that same heart pain
But this little game can only go on for so long
Eventually the curtain is pulled back
And there it is
In plain view
That which we did not want to admit we knew
The thing is, we knew it all along
And now we must face it
Confront the truth
Feel the pain we have been avoiding
It will pass, it always does
This day will be another 'remember when' moment stored inside your head
And life will continue on

Forgivness

2011-05-01T21:02:00.000-04:00

What if you could forgive yourself
For all the past hurst that rolled around you
What if you could finally see
That some of those moments were not your fault
But you had to suffer through them
What if you could forgive yourself
For the mistakes you made
The bad choices you decided on
The moments you did not act with integrity
What if you could realize that you made mistakes
That we all make mistakes
But that those mistakes do not define who you are today
And they do not have to hold power to what the future holds
They were just moments in time
That have since passed
What if you were able to let go
Of everything holding you back
Past hurts
The fear of the unknown
Unresolved issues
What if you could free yourself of the chains of the past
Where would you go?
What road would you travel down?
What new adventure would you take?
The world needs to see your light shine
Do not be afraid of letting go of the past
Forgiving yourself
And stepping into the present
You are the artist of your life
What will you create today?

be you

2011-04-29T07:16:00.000-04:00

All you have to do today
Is show up
and try your best
That's it
You do not have to impress anyone
You do not have to do it all
You do not have to hold back tears, if you feel like crying
All you have to do
Is just be you

chances

2011-04-26T22:26:00.000-04:00

There was once a chance that I did not take
And now I have no idea what may have been
The smiles that may have risen on my face
the memories that could have been created
I have no idea where my life would be
had I taken that chance
Who I might have met
What adventures I could have gone on
I will never know
what may have opened up for me

There was once a chance that I did not take
And I do not know where it could have lead
There may have been tears
My heart may have gotten broken
I may have fallen down and struggled to get back up
I could have felt lost, afraid, unsure of where to turn next

The thing with not taking chances
Is you never will know what could have happened
All I am left with now is wonder
Of what may have been
What could have been
What I wished it to have been

And now
When a new chance arrives
I do not allow fear to take hold of me
Making me live in wonder
Instead I jump right it
Giving it a try
Letting the moment take me
Embracing all that unfolds

~what chance have you not taken, that you wish you had?~