Sunday, February 15, 2009

I feel....


I feel the need to transform.  I feel like I am in a time of change, a moment of growth, but I feel frustrated, hurt, and angry because I am not sure what I am looking for.  I am not sure what I am missing.  I am not sure what I need to feel strong, brave, and secure.  I feel like my feet are glued to the ground but I need to fly, soar, find out who I really am.

It is a miserable feeling.  This feeling of not really knowing who I am.  I feel like I don't know who I am, or how to even figure that out.  I feel like my dreams have become hazy.  I dislike parts of myself.  I am insecure.  Oh, it is a miserable feeling.

I feel like inside of me is this stick.  Going right down the center of my body.  It is propping me up in a way.  Forcing me to stand tall, to act brave, to pretend I know who I am.  I feel like I need this stick to crack right in half so that I can explore, be free, set my wings out to fly, to find myself.  Yet I have no idea how to crack this stick.  

5 comments:

beth said...

wow....this was written perfectly and I know I'm older than you...44 already....and I could have written this same thing about the way I'm feeling !!!

javajune said...

I can relate to that feeling. Hang in there something will inspire you and spring is just around the corner.
jj

annkent said...

Well ... you are an amazing photographer! I am a fellow "unraveller". I am also an alumni of the corporate world. I stepped off temporarily for personal reasons two years ago. What part of corporate life are you in?

Jennifer said...

annkent....thank you for stopping by my little place on the web. It is nice to meet a fellow unraveller. I work in a corporate office in NJ. I have been in the office for a year now. I enjoy the people I work with and long for a more creative atmosphere. Again, thank you so much for stopping by.

Fresh Air Deligths said...

Wow, I thought I was the only one to feel that way going through changes and all perfectly described by you. I am 30 and at that stage, I wonder if all of us humans have it at one point or another. It is miserable. xx